Written by Tara Schwartz:
Chivalry is dead!
All men are the same!
Some of the favourite litanies of the modern day woman that leave many a man scratching his (admittedly thick) head, wondering just where he went wrong.
After all, he tried to behave in a fashion worthy of a true blue gentlemen, he read and re-read the code of chivalry ‘till he could recite it in his sleep, he did everything right.
Or did he?
What if we told you that everything you thought was chivalrous was, in fact, just plain sexist? What if we told you that you need to keep up with feminism in order to walk with your woman? What if you were wrong?
In this piece, your humble columnist aims to reevaluate our conceptions and definitions of intersex behaviour and the mythical code of chivalry that has baffled man and mankind alike for eons!
The Code of Chivalry
The actual definition of this is a medieval knight’s code of honour.
Emphasis here on the medieval.
Outdated. Archaic. Offensive. Such are the terms that can be applied to that oft sainted code in the modern world. Consider the following scenario, one plucked right out of Chivalry 101. A lady and a man walk up to a door. The man, feeling good about himself, puffs his chest out, holds open the door for the woman, flashes his most dazzling smile and utters those two ill-fated words :
“Ladies first.”
That statement says 3 things. One, that you wouldn’t be holding open the door if it wasn’t a woman, therefore categorizing you as someone who doesn’t have a very clear idea of courtesy. Two, that you’re doing it to impress her and not because it’s generally a nice thing to do for someone else. Three, and worst of all, that you consider her, as a woman, deserving or even requiring of this special treatment purely on the basis of her gender. All these are huge no-no’s and major turn-offs for the woman who crusades in her fight against the patriarchy.
Holding doors open is a good thing to do, period. This means that if a woman were to hold the door open for a man, he should be able to thank her and walk through it without feeling like his ego has somehow been bruised. It signifies that a man who is willing to hold open a door for a woman should equally be willing to hold open a door for a senior citizen, or for another man who has his hands full. It is an action that does not discriminate on the basis of age, gender, sexuality and et cetera. Holding doors open is a good thing to do, period.
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| Tara Schwartz |
All men are the same!
Some of the favourite litanies of the modern day woman that leave many a man scratching his (admittedly thick) head, wondering just where he went wrong.
After all, he tried to behave in a fashion worthy of a true blue gentlemen, he read and re-read the code of chivalry ‘till he could recite it in his sleep, he did everything right.
Or did he?
What if we told you that everything you thought was chivalrous was, in fact, just plain sexist? What if we told you that you need to keep up with feminism in order to walk with your woman? What if you were wrong?
In this piece, your humble columnist aims to reevaluate our conceptions and definitions of intersex behaviour and the mythical code of chivalry that has baffled man and mankind alike for eons!
The Code of Chivalry
The actual definition of this is a medieval knight’s code of honour.
Emphasis here on the medieval.
Outdated. Archaic. Offensive. Such are the terms that can be applied to that oft sainted code in the modern world. Consider the following scenario, one plucked right out of Chivalry 101. A lady and a man walk up to a door. The man, feeling good about himself, puffs his chest out, holds open the door for the woman, flashes his most dazzling smile and utters those two ill-fated words :
“Ladies first.”
That statement says 3 things. One, that you wouldn’t be holding open the door if it wasn’t a woman, therefore categorizing you as someone who doesn’t have a very clear idea of courtesy. Two, that you’re doing it to impress her and not because it’s generally a nice thing to do for someone else. Three, and worst of all, that you consider her, as a woman, deserving or even requiring of this special treatment purely on the basis of her gender. All these are huge no-no’s and major turn-offs for the woman who crusades in her fight against the patriarchy.
Holding doors open is a good thing to do, period. This means that if a woman were to hold the door open for a man, he should be able to thank her and walk through it without feeling like his ego has somehow been bruised. It signifies that a man who is willing to hold open a door for a woman should equally be willing to hold open a door for a senior citizen, or for another man who has his hands full. It is an action that does not discriminate on the basis of age, gender, sexuality and et cetera. Holding doors open is a good thing to do, period.
This applies to many other actions that
have been integrated into our set of societal norms, such as a man offering to
carry a woman’s bag, sometimes even tugging on it in a desperate attempt to
display his strength and machismo, even though she clearly was handling it fine
all on her own. Guys, doing so doesn’t mark you as a knight in shining armour.
It places you as someone who considers women inferior and unable to look out
for themselves. Especially dangerous in an age where women pride themselves on
their independence and self-sufficiency.
A New Standard
In order to break through this set of norms, we need a new standard of ethics where intersex relations are concerned. And I have just the proposal.
It’s called common courtesy.
Quite simply, treat everyone with respect and kindness, regardless of their gender. You will be appreciated and respected more if you give women the credit and respect they deserve, rather than trying to depict them as helpless little ducks who would quite like to remain in your shadow and shelter.
That’s not to say that traditions such as a husband holding a door open for his wife, or seating her in a restaurant before sitting down himself, should be extinguished. On the contrary, they add playfulness, mystique, romance and spice to a relationship and are a great way to keep things exciting. You’d have to be mad to suggest that those traditions, even when honoured once in a way, somehow regress feminism and demean women. However, keep in mind that interactions between a couple and between strangers are completely different. Even more importantly, there’s nothing wrong with the female partner relieving her male counterpart of his burden every once in a while. In fact, that’s exactly what relationships are about: Mutuality and reciprocity.
Quite simply, the line that every man has to draw is between simply being a good person, and being good to someone because they are young and hot, and might be impressed if you put on an act.
A New Standard
In order to break through this set of norms, we need a new standard of ethics where intersex relations are concerned. And I have just the proposal.
It’s called common courtesy.
Quite simply, treat everyone with respect and kindness, regardless of their gender. You will be appreciated and respected more if you give women the credit and respect they deserve, rather than trying to depict them as helpless little ducks who would quite like to remain in your shadow and shelter.
That’s not to say that traditions such as a husband holding a door open for his wife, or seating her in a restaurant before sitting down himself, should be extinguished. On the contrary, they add playfulness, mystique, romance and spice to a relationship and are a great way to keep things exciting. You’d have to be mad to suggest that those traditions, even when honoured once in a way, somehow regress feminism and demean women. However, keep in mind that interactions between a couple and between strangers are completely different. Even more importantly, there’s nothing wrong with the female partner relieving her male counterpart of his burden every once in a while. In fact, that’s exactly what relationships are about: Mutuality and reciprocity.
Quite simply, the line that every man has to draw is between simply being a good person, and being good to someone because they are young and hot, and might be impressed if you put on an act.
Just remember, you can put your lady first.
But it definitely doesn’t pay to say,
“Ladies first!”
“Ladies first!”
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