It’s New Year’s Night and the 5th evening in the row I've fallen asleep crying and hugging the teddy bear he gave me.
He won it from a claw machine the week after we got together, despite my whining
(It's not like you're going to actually get it)
Nagging,
(Those things are so rigged)
Attempts to forcibly remove him fro
m the immediate area of temptation
(Babe you're literally throwing money down the drain)
In retrospect the reason/s we broke up weren't all that important. It wasn't working out. I gave it my all, and when all didn't work (Whining, persuading, waiting, pursuing, ignoring, cajoling, riding out in the night to visit him, giving him his space) I bowed out for the final time.
But like I said, all that does not matter. Because in the end,
1. When it's over, it's over.
- I'm too sad to even think of something witty to say leave me alone ugh
Now I'm not against going back on your word (In fact The Guy and I had "broken up" 3 times before I finally decided that I didn't want a lifetime of hot and cold, pushing and pulling mind games), but the fact of the matter is - you have to make your word stand for something.
I hear a lot of "you have to let X/Y go" But when you come to think about it, it isn't about letting go of the person, it's about realizing that you already have. That chance, or moment, or time you had together or whatever, it's all in the past. Now you can keep going back and making the same mistakes and trying to analyse yourself to death or you can look around you and see what you've got, where you are, who you're with, and move on from there.
Maybe X/Y holds another appearance in your future, maybe they don't, but the point is that it really doesn't matter because, just like the past, it isn't happening now.
2. Their faults aren't your problem anymore
- And you kiss like a carwash
I wanted to break contact until all the emotional residue had dissipated.
He wanted to stay friends.
If you, like me, have a tendency to bring up objects from the fallout in a snarky, final-blow sort of way (i.e. "Well at least now you can sleep as much as you want", "Oh you're having two big macs for supper? I know how happy that makes you", "Why the phone call? I thought you'd be out with your friends.", STOP. What the fuck, Clarissa. Leave the poor guy alone, you've already broken up, you have no right and no authority over what the other person should or shouldn't do (and vice versa).
Repeat after me: Its. Not. Your. Frickety. Problem. Anymore.
3. It was probably you.
- I TOLD YOU to park the car there when you had the chance
Okay so maybe something went wrong. Maybe something went really wrong. From what i've discovered in life, you can either pin the blame on external factors (He wasn't trying hard enough, her friends were a pack of bitches, the sun was too hot that day, you got hungry) or you can pin it on yourself. The thing isn't to feel like shit, it’s to understand that the difference between doing the former and the latter is that one can't be changed and the other can.
Personally, The Guy wasn't an insensitive-slash-lazy-slash-selfish-slob. The problem was that I
i. Didn't bother to wait and find out the full extent of what I was getting into
ii. Had expectations which didn't match up to the given situation
iii.Take your pick
When you realize that the fault is yours, it comes in an empowering package (after feeling like the world’s biggest douche, of course) Because now you have a secret weapon, the ability to adapt yourself to whatever life throws at you. And that's some powerful shit.
4. You're most likely bullshitting yourself
- Nobody understood him. Oh the camera? Yeah that too.
Quick! What was the last depressing thought your mind threw at you? Mine was "I'll never find someone like him".
Of course, I thought that about Guy 1, 2, and 3 too.
After a bad break it's only natural to bleed hyperbole. Your brain is experiencing withdrawal and love is the drug. Much like most cocaine users going through a long draught, your mind experiences extreme tunnel vision and everything sort of fades into the background.
Work and health? Who cares! Air? Who needs it!
You're going to say a lot of things you don't mean, and think a lot of thoughts you won't remember and feel a lot of emotions that in three months’ time, will make you feel like you were bullshitting yourself. Because you probably were. And that's all natural! As long as you keep that in mind, because
5. You're going to die.
- "Did you just-" "Yeah I did"
Want a really big wakeup call? You're going to die. Your family is going to die. Sooner or later, this entire planet, and all its inhabitants - both known and unknown - are all going to fade away leaving not even the consolation of memories from existence. Come on, Clarissa. Crying for 20 minutes over a boy? Really? Twenty minutes moping is twenty minutes gone. Every moment of your life has to count for something and spending it in regret, guilt and bullshit is like being away from the keyboard during a game of competitive Tetris.
It doesn't matter if you're the type to send back waves of Tetrises, or to slowly clear your own pile of debris, either option is still better than sitting back and watching as the blocks slowly pile up in an irreversible mess whilst you cry and eat bucketloads of ice-cream.
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